Through the Window I went home and took a shower, got dressed and was still somewhat
hungry, so I put a potpie in my little counter top oven, then sat down
to watch some TV. I found a movie (Monkey Shines), which seemed to fit
my screwed up mood, then sat back in my old Good Samaritan chair and
relaxed until my food was done. I got up to get my pie when I heard a faint knock on my door. I took
the pie out of the oven and sat it down on the counter. I ran to the
door and to my surprise it was Jasmine. I looked at her face, dumb
stricken. She was wearing a hooded-sweatshirt, hood up and baggy
pants, all gray. It was as if she was hiding from the world. “Aren’t you going to at least invite me in,” she said in a faint
tear-filled voice? “Oh I’m sorry, come on in. Can I get you something to drink?” She walked in and I shut the door. She then said. “No, I’m ok.” Her
voice cracked. “I’ve been thinking about your call.” “Yeah, we really need to talk, sit down please.” “Jack, before I go any further, I need to know something.” I noticed she wouldn’t look me in the eye and I was confused. “Ok, go ahead.” “Were you at my mother’s tonight?” “Yes ma’am, I was.” “I thought so, why were you there?” I knew that I wouldn’t lie to her, but I didn’t think telling her the
whole truth with her being in what I knew was an upset mood, would be
the right thing to do right now. “Well Jazz, dad called me and said
that she had told him she needed to see me, it was important. So I
went over there.” She finally looked at me in the eyes, but it wasn’t the look I had
longed to see. She had been hurt and hurt deep. To my dismay it was my
own damn fault. She asked as she was sitting down, “Does this have
something to do with your not coming around for a year?” I sat down beside her. “I didn’t come around because my business
tanked and I couldn’t pay back the debt.” I paused then said, “there
is something else that honestly Jazz, it scared the hell out of me.” I saw her tears well up when she asked, “But why not come around me?
Jack, you and I have been so close for so long. I don’t give a damn
about that money, I care about you and I thought you cared about me.” Her voice radiated the hurt I had caused. She was now crying, I tried
to take her in my arms but she pushed me away. “Ok Jazz, if you promise to keep an open mind I will tell you. This
is hard as hell for me to say especially to you, so please bear with
me.” “Tell me, I’m listening!” Her tears continued to flow from her
beautiful blue eyes. She still wouldn’t look at me for any significant
length of time. “But Jazz, this is far different than anything we have ever talked about.” “Just tell me, Jack! Can’t you at least do that,” she cried? She had me on the verge of just telling her to never mind, but I knew
I was the cause of all this, and had to be a man and face up to
whatever punishment the woman I love, more than anything had in-store
for me. “Jazz, do you remember during last Christmas, one minute we
would be talking like our old selves, but then I would walk away and
try to do something, anything different?” “Yeah I remember, I thought this whole time I did something to you and
you were mad at me.” “Jazz, I could never be mad at you, but I’m about to tell you
something about last Christmas and long before, that could explain my
actions. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve screwed-up not talking to you about
it sooner. I just couldn’t find my words.” I could feel my heart
beating so hard it hurt. “I already know I did something, but for you to stay away for a year.
Jack, I thought I meant more to you. If nothing else you could have
called me? You couldn’t pick up the damn phone?” Her tears affected me
to the point that I almost lost my nerve to say what I so desperately
needed to tell her. I took a deep breath muscled up my nerve then said, “Jazz, I’m in
love… She has always been so close to me, yet so far away. She’s
always been like looking through a store window knowing exactly what
you want, but knowing that you couldn’t have your greatest desire…
I’ve never been able to tell her how I feel, but to me, she is the
most beautiful woman that I have ever seen, even as a girl she had my
heart… I want to marry her, but I don’t know how to ask her, even that
is complicated.” I saw her expression and could tell she was mad. She stood up pacing
around the room. I was waiting for her to throw something, that’s what
she had usually done when she was mad. I stood up and tried to calm
her down, but was punched in the nose for my effort. “WHO, who in the hell is she JACK?” She yelled at me as I bent over
from the surprising force of her punch. I sucked back my anger, not my anger at her but my anger at myself,
saying. “Who in the hell do you think it is,” I yelled back? I was
pissed, but luckily I had always been cool under pressure. “Probably some damn tramp you found at a bar or something!” “Damn-it Jazz,” I paused and the tears raced down my cheeks. “You know
you’re not the same girl who had my heart the first time I remember
looking at you.” I took a deep breath as my emotions overcome me and
my voice cracked. “Yeah it’s you Jazz, it has always been you…
Damn-it, I ache for you! (I then almost whispered) Every girl, I’ve
ever been with, it was you that I made love to. Go ahead, call me a
sick basterd, maybe I am, but I know what I feel, what I have always
felt. Let me ask you something. How do you tell your cousin that she
is the only girl in your dreams? How do you tell her that even on
Christmas day, I couldn’t enjoy being around my best friend because I…
because I love her so deep that not being able to hold her in my arms
was hell? Jasmine, you’re my reason. I am so sorry for the pain I have
caused you, that was the last thing I ever wanted to do. The last
thing I ever wanted to do was cause the most important person in my
life any pain. If you want to hit me again go ahead, hell I deserve
it.” I sat on the arm of my old couch with my head in my hands. I didn’t
hear a sound until she asked crying, “Do you really mean that?” I was still a little pissed and bleeding, but mostly felt a great
burden had been lifted off my shoulders. I then said sadly, “Jazz, I
really don’t think that’s something to kid about, do you?” I slowly
stood up walking over to her. She wasn’t the same girl as before. She
changed her whole demeanor. She wasn’t mad anymore but frightened. I
untied and pulled back her hood taking her into my arms. Holding onto
her tightly, not hurting her, but also letting her know I wasn’t going
to let her go unless she really wanted me to. She slowly wrapped her
arms around my waist. It felt so good to hold her, even with all that
had just gone-on between us, feeling her in my arms made it all worth
it. After a minute of nothing being said between the two of us she spoke
first. “Jack, come home with me. I need to show you something.” I was amazed but a little leery of the idea of going to her
apartment. What could she have to show me? “You think I should be over
there after what I have told you?” “That’s why I asked you over.” “Let me get my stuff. I’ll be right behind you.” That was a preview of Chapter 2. Let me know what you think on my
Twitter account @J_D_bell
hungry, so I put a potpie in my little counter top oven, then sat down
to watch some TV. I found a movie (Monkey Shines), which seemed to fit
my screwed up mood, then sat back in my old Good Samaritan chair and
relaxed until my food was done. I got up to get my pie when I heard a faint knock on my door. I took
the pie out of the oven and sat it down on the counter. I ran to the
door and to my surprise it was Jasmine. I looked at her face, dumb
stricken. She was wearing a hooded-sweatshirt, hood up and baggy
pants, all gray. It was as if she was hiding from the world. “Aren’t you going to at least invite me in,” she said in a faint
tear-filled voice? “Oh I’m sorry, come on in. Can I get you something to drink?” She walked in and I shut the door. She then said. “No, I’m ok.” Her
voice cracked. “I’ve been thinking about your call.” “Yeah, we really need to talk, sit down please.” “Jack, before I go any further, I need to know something.” I noticed she wouldn’t look me in the eye and I was confused. “Ok, go ahead.” “Were you at my mother’s tonight?” “Yes ma’am, I was.” “I thought so, why were you there?” I knew that I wouldn’t lie to her, but I didn’t think telling her the
whole truth with her being in what I knew was an upset mood, would be
the right thing to do right now. “Well Jazz, dad called me and said
that she had told him she needed to see me, it was important. So I
went over there.” She finally looked at me in the eyes, but it wasn’t the look I had
longed to see. She had been hurt and hurt deep. To my dismay it was my
own damn fault. She asked as she was sitting down, “Does this have
something to do with your not coming around for a year?” I sat down beside her. “I didn’t come around because my business
tanked and I couldn’t pay back the debt.” I paused then said, “there
is something else that honestly Jazz, it scared the hell out of me.” I saw her tears well up when she asked, “But why not come around me?
Jack, you and I have been so close for so long. I don’t give a damn
about that money, I care about you and I thought you cared about me.” Her voice radiated the hurt I had caused. She was now crying, I tried
to take her in my arms but she pushed me away. “Ok Jazz, if you promise to keep an open mind I will tell you. This
is hard as hell for me to say especially to you, so please bear with
me.” “Tell me, I’m listening!” Her tears continued to flow from her
beautiful blue eyes. She still wouldn’t look at me for any significant
length of time. “But Jazz, this is far different than anything we have ever talked about.” “Just tell me, Jack! Can’t you at least do that,” she cried? She had me on the verge of just telling her to never mind, but I knew
I was the cause of all this, and had to be a man and face up to
whatever punishment the woman I love, more than anything had in-store
for me. “Jazz, do you remember during last Christmas, one minute we
would be talking like our old selves, but then I would walk away and
try to do something, anything different?” “Yeah I remember, I thought this whole time I did something to you and
you were mad at me.” “Jazz, I could never be mad at you, but I’m about to tell you
something about last Christmas and long before, that could explain my
actions. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve screwed-up not talking to you about
it sooner. I just couldn’t find my words.” I could feel my heart
beating so hard it hurt. “I already know I did something, but for you to stay away for a year.
Jack, I thought I meant more to you. If nothing else you could have
called me? You couldn’t pick up the damn phone?” Her tears affected me
to the point that I almost lost my nerve to say what I so desperately
needed to tell her. I took a deep breath muscled up my nerve then said, “Jazz, I’m in
love… She has always been so close to me, yet so far away. She’s
always been like looking through a store window knowing exactly what
you want, but knowing that you couldn’t have your greatest desire…
I’ve never been able to tell her how I feel, but to me, she is the
most beautiful woman that I have ever seen, even as a girl she had my
heart… I want to marry her, but I don’t know how to ask her, even that
is complicated.” I saw her expression and could tell she was mad. She stood up pacing
around the room. I was waiting for her to throw something, that’s what
she had usually done when she was mad. I stood up and tried to calm
her down, but was punched in the nose for my effort. “WHO, who in the hell is she JACK?” She yelled at me as I bent over
from the surprising force of her punch. I sucked back my anger, not my anger at her but my anger at myself,
saying. “Who in the hell do you think it is,” I yelled back? I was
pissed, but luckily I had always been cool under pressure. “Probably some damn tramp you found at a bar or something!” “Damn-it Jazz,” I paused and the tears raced down my cheeks. “You know
you’re not the same girl who had my heart the first time I remember
looking at you.” I took a deep breath as my emotions overcome me and
my voice cracked. “Yeah it’s you Jazz, it has always been you…
Damn-it, I ache for you! (I then almost whispered) Every girl, I’ve
ever been with, it was you that I made love to. Go ahead, call me a
sick basterd, maybe I am, but I know what I feel, what I have always
felt. Let me ask you something. How do you tell your cousin that she
is the only girl in your dreams? How do you tell her that even on
Christmas day, I couldn’t enjoy being around my best friend because I…
because I love her so deep that not being able to hold her in my arms
was hell? Jasmine, you’re my reason. I am so sorry for the pain I have
caused you, that was the last thing I ever wanted to do. The last
thing I ever wanted to do was cause the most important person in my
life any pain. If you want to hit me again go ahead, hell I deserve
it.” I sat on the arm of my old couch with my head in my hands. I didn’t
hear a sound until she asked crying, “Do you really mean that?” I was still a little pissed and bleeding, but mostly felt a great
burden had been lifted off my shoulders. I then said sadly, “Jazz, I
really don’t think that’s something to kid about, do you?” I slowly
stood up walking over to her. She wasn’t the same girl as before. She
changed her whole demeanor. She wasn’t mad anymore but frightened. I
untied and pulled back her hood taking her into my arms. Holding onto
her tightly, not hurting her, but also letting her know I wasn’t going
to let her go unless she really wanted me to. She slowly wrapped her
arms around my waist. It felt so good to hold her, even with all that
had just gone-on between us, feeling her in my arms made it all worth
it. After a minute of nothing being said between the two of us she spoke
first. “Jack, come home with me. I need to show you something.” I was amazed but a little leery of the idea of going to her
apartment. What could she have to show me? “You think I should be over
there after what I have told you?” “That’s why I asked you over.” “Let me get my stuff. I’ll be right behind you.” That was a preview of Chapter 2. Let me know what you think on my
Twitter account @J_D_bell
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