A Gleann de Mo Dùisg
The Valley of my Despair
Jazz and I went to bed then straight off to sleep. It was a restless
sleep. Several times in the night I woke up and went out to the
balcony to try and cool off but nothing seemed to cool me down, until
I filled the tub with cold water, and then put every ice cube in the
apartment in with me. I was finally able to go to sleep after the ice
bath. A restless night turned into a day of horror. Lying beside Jasmine on
my back I felt a great heat and a very hot trickle almost like
scalding water, but much hotter running down my right hand onto the
floor. I could hear a searing sound but couldn’t think whether this
was a dream or was this reality, even though my dreams and reality
lately have became almost intertwined, with the two rapidly becoming
the same state of mind. The heat had become almost unbearable, so I
opened my eyes and looked at my right hand. To my horror I saw that
the ring Clara had given me, had actually melted off of my finger, and
the gold was now eating a hole through the hardwood floor. I reached
down to scoop it off of the floor to keep it from going completely
through to the lower apartment. I could feel the intense heat but
didn’t feel any pain at all, neither was I harmed. I didn’t know what to do. I will be honest I panicked. I walked out of
our room and paced around like a madman. I couldn’t decide what to do.
So, I finally made my way out to the balcony. The sun was just now
coming up. I didn’t see anyone around me, so out of frustration and
fear I jumped off of the balcony landing hard. I rolled and rolled for
several feet. I stood looking at my body in the morning sunlight,
having only my shorts and a t-shirt on. “Everything seems fine, but I
can’t go back to them like this. Oh my god what do I do?” I didn’t get
any answers, so I started running, hoping no one could see me it still
being a little dark. I ran and ran. For some odd reason I didn’t get
winded and didn’t seem to be tired. I didn’t know where I was going,
but a couple hours later I realized I had ran to our property. I
roamed around seemingly endless until I found a large field. I
couldn’t concentrate on anything but I knew one thing for certain, my
family would never be safe with me around. I fell to my knees in
tears. I thought I had finally lost all will to continue. I began to
yell, “I give up. I can’t do this anymore. Pick someone else, someone
who doesn’t have a wife and children. They can’t be safe around me. Oh
god, please help me… help me.” I then heard someone walking up to me and to no surprise it was the
chief. He said, “So you have finally reached your breaking point. I
have to admit, you made it longer than I ever thought you would.” “Please, take this away from me. I can’t live like this anymore. I
have a son and a beautiful wife, with a little girl on the way. Why
can’t I just be a husband and father, that’s all I ever wanted?
Please, please sir, I can’t do this anymore.” He kneeled infront of me then said, “Son, you didn’t choose this, just
like none before you chose to be this way, it doesn’t matter what you
do this is you, but there is something you can do. It will not be easy
and it will be great pain you will suffer. However at the end of this
journey you will be able to control yourself and be stronger than you
ever dreamed.” “Please sir, I will do anything for that.” “You must be completely sure or I cannot take you.” “I am very sure, please sir, I beg you to take me. I am worthless in
this condition.” The chief did take me and he did train me, like I never thought
possible. In all I spent what would to the natural man be over a
hundred years in my solitude. The nights, if they’re where nights
would be spent thinking of my family and what I would say when I
finally saw them again. I worried many times that I had missed the
life’s of my Jasmine, Charlie and my Izzy Clare’s to come, but was
reassured they would only know the time in which I was on earth. It
would be only a few hours, which had passed by to them. So my training
went on and on. Many scars and just as many beatings I had to endure
through my years on this plain, I could only describe as preheaven,
but sometimes it was more hell than heaven. The only comfort I had was
I could talk to my departed family, but even though I loved them, I
still missed my family in Denver. Many journeys I had to trek testing
my limits and abilities. I was more than ever before, but didn’t know
when it was time for me to return. To me I had lived another life,
since I had lie beside my Jasmine, but my desire for her had never
died, nor did it ever wane. I had been taught so many things and now
possessed a confidence I never knew before my solitude. The chief and
I had our arguments and many times I wanted to go back, but I would in
no way allow him to know that. Nevertheless through it all I had come
to respect and even love him. Somewhere in what I think was my
eightieth year, I began to call him father. After that I saw a change
in him. Don’t get me wrong, he never let up on me and to be perfectly
honest I didn’t want him to, I had made a remarkable transformation
and I owed it all to him. One day the chief walked up to me, as I sat looking pointlessly down
the same hall he had taught me the first steps at controlling my fire
making abilities. “What are you waiting on, son?” I looked up at him and asked. “What are you talking about, father?” “You have completed your training, I can’t teach you anymore.” “But father, you have such wisdom, I can never learn everything you
have to teach me.” “Jack,” Him saying that surprised me, since I had been in training he
hadn’t called me by my name. If it wasn’t for my family occasionally
calling me, Jack, I don’t think I would have remembered it was in fact
my name. “Yes that is your name. Son it is time for you to go back
home. You have what you came here for. I hate to say this but I will
miss you.” “I can come back whenever I need you, father.” “Yes son, you can come back at any time, but this will be the last you
see of me,” he said and for the first time I saw tears in his eyes. I stood up, “No father, I need your guidance.” “I can’t teach you anymore,” He back handed me then said almost
without breath, “I have to go, Jack, and so do you, there is nothing
else for you to learn here.” He then turned his back to me, but I
could tell he was trying not to cry. Reluctantly and nervously, with a bit of a broken heart, I sent myself
to the same field I was when he had taken me to start my training. I
felt the bright light of the sun beaming down on me. I looked all
around, and the sights of the property reminded me of what I had left
behind so many years ago, in my mind. As I walked, I was reminded of how scared I felt almost constantly
before, but I would never admit it to myself and I wouldn’t dare admit
it to my loved ones. I knew what I had to do to straighten out the
confusion I had caused, but my paramount destination was to see my
Jasmine and my Charlie. Time hadn’t meant anything to me in such a
long time, so I don’t know how long it took me to walk back to the
apartment, but as I walked through that door I saw exactly what I had
spent all my time away or, my Jasmine and Charlie.
The Valley of my Despair
Jazz and I went to bed then straight off to sleep. It was a restless
sleep. Several times in the night I woke up and went out to the
balcony to try and cool off but nothing seemed to cool me down, until
I filled the tub with cold water, and then put every ice cube in the
apartment in with me. I was finally able to go to sleep after the ice
bath. A restless night turned into a day of horror. Lying beside Jasmine on
my back I felt a great heat and a very hot trickle almost like
scalding water, but much hotter running down my right hand onto the
floor. I could hear a searing sound but couldn’t think whether this
was a dream or was this reality, even though my dreams and reality
lately have became almost intertwined, with the two rapidly becoming
the same state of mind. The heat had become almost unbearable, so I
opened my eyes and looked at my right hand. To my horror I saw that
the ring Clara had given me, had actually melted off of my finger, and
the gold was now eating a hole through the hardwood floor. I reached
down to scoop it off of the floor to keep it from going completely
through to the lower apartment. I could feel the intense heat but
didn’t feel any pain at all, neither was I harmed. I didn’t know what to do. I will be honest I panicked. I walked out of
our room and paced around like a madman. I couldn’t decide what to do.
So, I finally made my way out to the balcony. The sun was just now
coming up. I didn’t see anyone around me, so out of frustration and
fear I jumped off of the balcony landing hard. I rolled and rolled for
several feet. I stood looking at my body in the morning sunlight,
having only my shorts and a t-shirt on. “Everything seems fine, but I
can’t go back to them like this. Oh my god what do I do?” I didn’t get
any answers, so I started running, hoping no one could see me it still
being a little dark. I ran and ran. For some odd reason I didn’t get
winded and didn’t seem to be tired. I didn’t know where I was going,
but a couple hours later I realized I had ran to our property. I
roamed around seemingly endless until I found a large field. I
couldn’t concentrate on anything but I knew one thing for certain, my
family would never be safe with me around. I fell to my knees in
tears. I thought I had finally lost all will to continue. I began to
yell, “I give up. I can’t do this anymore. Pick someone else, someone
who doesn’t have a wife and children. They can’t be safe around me. Oh
god, please help me… help me.” I then heard someone walking up to me and to no surprise it was the
chief. He said, “So you have finally reached your breaking point. I
have to admit, you made it longer than I ever thought you would.” “Please, take this away from me. I can’t live like this anymore. I
have a son and a beautiful wife, with a little girl on the way. Why
can’t I just be a husband and father, that’s all I ever wanted?
Please, please sir, I can’t do this anymore.” He kneeled infront of me then said, “Son, you didn’t choose this, just
like none before you chose to be this way, it doesn’t matter what you
do this is you, but there is something you can do. It will not be easy
and it will be great pain you will suffer. However at the end of this
journey you will be able to control yourself and be stronger than you
ever dreamed.” “Please sir, I will do anything for that.” “You must be completely sure or I cannot take you.” “I am very sure, please sir, I beg you to take me. I am worthless in
this condition.” The chief did take me and he did train me, like I never thought
possible. In all I spent what would to the natural man be over a
hundred years in my solitude. The nights, if they’re where nights
would be spent thinking of my family and what I would say when I
finally saw them again. I worried many times that I had missed the
life’s of my Jasmine, Charlie and my Izzy Clare’s to come, but was
reassured they would only know the time in which I was on earth. It
would be only a few hours, which had passed by to them. So my training
went on and on. Many scars and just as many beatings I had to endure
through my years on this plain, I could only describe as preheaven,
but sometimes it was more hell than heaven. The only comfort I had was
I could talk to my departed family, but even though I loved them, I
still missed my family in Denver. Many journeys I had to trek testing
my limits and abilities. I was more than ever before, but didn’t know
when it was time for me to return. To me I had lived another life,
since I had lie beside my Jasmine, but my desire for her had never
died, nor did it ever wane. I had been taught so many things and now
possessed a confidence I never knew before my solitude. The chief and
I had our arguments and many times I wanted to go back, but I would in
no way allow him to know that. Nevertheless through it all I had come
to respect and even love him. Somewhere in what I think was my
eightieth year, I began to call him father. After that I saw a change
in him. Don’t get me wrong, he never let up on me and to be perfectly
honest I didn’t want him to, I had made a remarkable transformation
and I owed it all to him. One day the chief walked up to me, as I sat looking pointlessly down
the same hall he had taught me the first steps at controlling my fire
making abilities. “What are you waiting on, son?” I looked up at him and asked. “What are you talking about, father?” “You have completed your training, I can’t teach you anymore.” “But father, you have such wisdom, I can never learn everything you
have to teach me.” “Jack,” Him saying that surprised me, since I had been in training he
hadn’t called me by my name. If it wasn’t for my family occasionally
calling me, Jack, I don’t think I would have remembered it was in fact
my name. “Yes that is your name. Son it is time for you to go back
home. You have what you came here for. I hate to say this but I will
miss you.” “I can come back whenever I need you, father.” “Yes son, you can come back at any time, but this will be the last you
see of me,” he said and for the first time I saw tears in his eyes. I stood up, “No father, I need your guidance.” “I can’t teach you anymore,” He back handed me then said almost
without breath, “I have to go, Jack, and so do you, there is nothing
else for you to learn here.” He then turned his back to me, but I
could tell he was trying not to cry. Reluctantly and nervously, with a bit of a broken heart, I sent myself
to the same field I was when he had taken me to start my training. I
felt the bright light of the sun beaming down on me. I looked all
around, and the sights of the property reminded me of what I had left
behind so many years ago, in my mind. As I walked, I was reminded of how scared I felt almost constantly
before, but I would never admit it to myself and I wouldn’t dare admit
it to my loved ones. I knew what I had to do to straighten out the
confusion I had caused, but my paramount destination was to see my
Jasmine and my Charlie. Time hadn’t meant anything to me in such a
long time, so I don’t know how long it took me to walk back to the
apartment, but as I walked through that door I saw exactly what I had
spent all my time away or, my Jasmine and Charlie.
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